Zia Hassan


+++ title = “01” date = 2003 +++

There’s a lotta tension in my house right now. And I’m in my stomach. God I’m hungry. There’s never anything to eat though, my mom either buys reallly crappy food or total junk food. Well junk food it is. Be right back.

My sister is bawling in my parents room for no particular reason. I hate it when she does this. She just moans and whines and doesn’t stop complaining about how horrible life is. Granted I’ve been in that position, but she just needs to realize where she is.

I had a whole talk with Jason about realizing where you are. Where anyone is. It’s easy to forget sometimes where you are, b ut it’s also easy to be reminded or to remind yourself.

They’re still yelling. This is terrible. It’s 11:30 at night, and I just wanna go to sleep. But they want to keep yelling as if no one is sleeping. And my mom acts like she’s trying to get her to stop, but she’s just fueling the fire even more. Then my dad tries to intervene, and then everything gets so fucked up. If I was truly immersed in my practice of Zen, this wouldn’t affect me. Guess that just shows me how far along I am. It’s killing me, and all they’re doing is screaming. I can’t concentrate on anything and all I want to do is go to sleep. And if I don’t get a good grade on my quiz tommorow that could be a bad grade in math… I just don’t to get kicked out of AU. I’m pretty sure that I’m worrying for no real reason, since I’m already admitted and that I’d have to do HORRIBLY to get kicked out. And I’m still above a 3.0. There’s always that off chance though.

Second semester is really taking it’s time coming. It’s the break I’ve needed for the past 3.5 years. No math, science, or history. I just need to make it through first semester without getting my ass kicked. And while it isn’t getting kicked yet, I can definetely see a future ass kicking possible. I got a 50 on the psych test. That brought me down to a 82. So I have to do really well on that. That shouldn’t be too hard. What’s really hard is the stat quiz tommorow. I really wish I was a harder worker. I could get through this easier.

My sister just came in and apologized for making loud whining and noises and then asked if I’m embarassed by her. And I said no. But I did admit that I coudln’t study or concentrate with her wailing in the background. All I have to do to be happy tommorow is do well on the stat quiz. If I do that then I’ll be set. I really hate math so much. My dad was kinda upset that I’m dropping out of math second semester, but I really deserve a break from it. It’s just too much sometimes.

I’ll be fine. Really. All I need is some nerd jumprope and some girlfriend.

PJ’s act for Mr. Wootton is going to be AMAZING. Like smashing and phenomenal. Record breaking for the volume of the applause.

I know I was gonna write about the chorus concert, so I guess I will. It was fun, I guess. I conducted decently. Went to Fudd’s after that, and I hadn’t been there in a while. I considered using my credit card to pay for the meal but I had cash so it didn’t matter.

Well just talked to Mariam. All that stuff I said about college – I don’t think I have to worry. At least, I REALLY hope not. Please, no surprises. I really can’t stand them. I’m on a set course, and I wanna stay there.

I am here.