+++ title = “12” date = 2019 +++ Oscar Wilde once said “everything should be consumed in moderation, including moderation.” I stopped and thought about this quote the first time I heard it. I interpreted the message as it’s important to indulge occasionally, that we aren’t really living unless we’re indulging. And that led to another thought, what specifically is an indulgence? And for that matter, what specifically is moderation?

I give and get advice all the time.
On the giving part: these days, I’m a bit more reserved. I scour more than most, I am a seeker. I’m also a messenger when I find a useful technique or a piece of art.
But I give less these days because I know what it’s like to get advice.
Sometimes someone will say something to me, some advice or recommendation that is perfectly appropriate for their life experience but incompatible with mine.

+++ title = “12” date = 2019 +++ “They’re just an asshole,” she says to me in the car on the way home. “Nobody is ‘just an asshole’,” I reply. I have no idea where that came from, and I have no idea why I’m being defensive over someone I don’t even know, but there it is. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I have a new life rule: there are no bad people.

+++ title = “12” date = 2019 +++ Recently, I invited a friend of mine over to meet my son. This friend voiced their concern that they’re not “good with kids.” They don’t know what to say, it’s always awkward, they told me. Coincidentally, this was the same week that SNL posted its funny Duolingo for kids sketch. While the sketch is funny, it does identify an interesting problem. As parents, we know what to say to our kids to keep them organized, to hear about their feelings, to communicate with them.

Brene Brown has said that our ability to be vulnerable unblocks us, and heals our wounds. The idea is that if we are open with each other, if we can feel safe and shameless, we can be more productive in our personal and professional relationships. But there’s an underlying current to vulnerability that is subtle at first: the idea of vulnerability implies that every single person experiences self-doubt and to some degree, is insecure.