These are two separate ideas and require two different skillsets. The psychologist and author Jonathan Haidt describes the human brain like a rider on top of an elephant. The rider takes information and makes sense of it. The rider is logical and rational. The elephant, on the other hand, is completely driven by emotion. Primal urges, like hunger, sex, etc control the elephant. If you picture the rider on the elephant in your mind, you can see how easily the elephant can control your direction.

Three things I learned this year: Certainty is an illusion made possible by routine. Vacating can be spiritual if not physical. You can warp time if space provides the necessary conditions. Three things I made this year: A book on education and technology called Inventing the Modern Classroom that I spent a year writing. A musical album called Welcome Emotion that I spent every day of the pandemic recording. Over 100 blog posts, which came from subtle glimmers and glints from the world around me.

The first time I had a therapy session, my therapist asked me how much sleep I get. “Less than I should,” I replied. She waited a beat, and then said: “There are no shoulds.” I took it as a fact, but it took me a while to figure out what it meant. A “should” is a direct link to the expectations of others. If we can define our own values and live by them, and if our values can allow for imperfect behaviors, “should” would dissipate as quickly as it apparated.

For some reason, the genre about personal growth and development is labelled as “self help” in book stores. After all, if you read a self-help book, and it helps you… you didn’t help yourself. It was the book. More specifically, it was the author of the book. Perhaps it is still appropriate to call it self help: the author helped themselves by synthesizing a solution to their own problem.

Everyone needs a challenging friend or two. The type of person who is ready to get in your face, break open your perspectives, and put your viewpoints on trial. Not every friend should be like this. But it’s important to have a few of these kinds of friends on hand and nearby. They are your way out of complacency.