Two Types of Friendship
There are two types of friendships.
The first one, or the one that most of us are accustomed to, is spread across days like jelly. We start small, maybe in a class or at the office, getting to know each other. Maybe we have a meal or a coffee and figure out what we have in common.
Maybe we meet every few weeks for a movie, or a TV binge. Maybe we text about our problems when the sea gets rough.
This is the type of friendship that is maintained drop by drop, year after year, through passive maintenance.
The second type is the condensed kind. I’ve only spent 10-20 weeks total with my two cousins who live in England. But our time spent together was efficient; bonding was quick because we had an instant connection being family and having similar quirks, and when we did get together we had pre-established routines and intense periods of time spent arguing, playing, and living.
Neither of these types is better than the other, but they both need different methods in order to nurture the friendship.
Intense, condensed friendships need structure and routine. A work trip, for instance, with people you don’t see every day could provide the right amount of structure. Or in the case of my cousins, a family vacation.
The spread out kind requires passive maintenance. It requires lots of day-to-day musings. It requires scheduling and effort and occasionally structure when life becomes unwieldy. It’s why a lot of spread out friendships tend to fall apart. A 30 minute drive can become an ocean as we start to fall apart.
It’s a spiritual balance. If you only have one of these type of friendships in your life, consider seeking the other kind. Both expand the mind and heart in intense but unique ways.